i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
