just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
