last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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