Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Reggie can tackle my bush.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
