It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
