I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize