I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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