All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
