you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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