Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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