Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
