Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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