OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize