i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
