This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize