he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize