I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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