Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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