Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
