My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
mondays should just be called national damage control day
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
As shirtless as possible
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
