You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I want a musical about memes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize