You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
