i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
