There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
