im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
