Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
