I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize