dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
