this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
