Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
