FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
