She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize