i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
