I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
