i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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