I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
