im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
