Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
