I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
