i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
