Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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