At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
