I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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