I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
