the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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