So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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