Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
