ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
