I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize