I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
