I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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