i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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