I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
