I accidentally burped into my bong.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just want nice things and good sex
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
