Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My bed smells like the plague
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
