A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize