Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
