Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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