I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
