i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize