Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
