I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
