He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize