i wish semen tasted like chocolate
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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