I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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