that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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