i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
