Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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