I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
This toilet bowl is my home.
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