Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
