I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
