Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It was confusing and full of hummus
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
