If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize