I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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