the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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