How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I skipped work to stalk him.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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