I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
