Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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