You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
