True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
