im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
