You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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