she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Ketchup is God's man juice
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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