I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
