I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
