Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
