I puked a lego.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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