She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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