Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Mom said you looked used
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drake has all the answers
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
