I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
