If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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