He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
