I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
