just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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