the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
