I wish I could teleport
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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