I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
